Pet Airways

I've been shaking my head lately over the new airline 'Pet Airways' that only accepts patrons like Mr. Wiggles or Spot. After today's unusual cargo load, I must say that there are a lot of animals flying cargo and they'd definitely benefit flying first class rather than in the cargo bin.

We started the morning in Oklahoma City where I noticed a couple of cat carriers on the luggage carts waiting to be loaded. If you have ever seen a cat being shipped, they are very expressive in their unhappiness. Unlike dogs who will lick your fingers and yip excitedly when you pass their shipping kennel, cats will move to the far end of the crate, lay back their ears and emit a low growl. Well, the ramp crew neglected to mention that we had animals on board, but because I had seen them, I set the automated controls to condition the air temperature to a comfortable level during the flight.

I was then quite surprised to find in Atlanta that we had also been loaded with six crates of small birds that were destined for various pet shops. Each crate had three tiers and each tier had at least a dozen birds so I'm guessing we carried over 200 little birds. Can you imagine being those two cats? In addition to the insult of being caged and shipped like an animal, they were tortured for over two hours by hundreds of little birds that they could not touch!!

I'm not sure if this was just bulk animal shipping day or if I've missed these shipments in the past but from Augusta, we carried two crates that contained 10,000 crickets that were destined for a reptile breeder in Florida. And then from Charlottesville, VA we brought back around a thousand mice. Fortunately, there were no escapees!

So while I may have been laughing at Pet Airways, seems the concept really isn't that far off!

Unaccompanied Minors

Occasionally we carry unaccompanied minors, more frequently during the summer and holidays as kids go to visit grandparents or perhaps parents who don't have custody. Usually this is a non event - a parent will give custody to an airline representative at the airport who will pass on custody to the flight attendant who then passes custody back to another airline representative at the destination. Occasionally though, things go awry - last month a major airline managed to send not one, but two different minors to the wrong destination! Can you imagine being the grandparents of a 10 year old girl, waiting excitedly in Cleveland, OH for her arrival, only to find she was shipped to Newark, NJ?

Anyway, today was unique in that our flight from New Bern, NC carried twenty-seven unaccompanied minors! Fifty seats, forty-six passengers, ten adults and, again, twenty-seven unaccompanied minors! I'm still scratching my head over this one, but apparently the parents of multiple children (who were attending Camp Sea Gull and Camp Seafarer in nearby Arapahoe, NC) thought our airline would be trustworthy enough to herd that many children through the busiest airport in the world without losing any.

Loading the gaggle was easy enough with everyone divided into groups of three. Unfortunately, once on the airplane many of the kids removed the tags and stickers that identified them as unaccompanied and placed said stickers on the seat backs, floor or their next door neighbors. It was amazing how quickly the stickers returned to the appropriate children when the gate agent announced that anyone not wearing their tag or sitting with a parent would be removed from the flight immediately.

Once we got underway and I made sure to add to my normal announcements that everyone should pay attention to our flight attendant and do whatever she said because she was in charge. And yes, you read right, there was only one flight attendant to watch over all twenty-seven unaccompanied minors. While the captain and I did let her know that we would come back and help for any reason, we were fortunate that she did not take us up on that offer. We were a little sneaky though and left the seat-belt sign on for most of the flight - only turning it off momentarily because one little boy was about pee in his seat (according to the flight attendant).

Back in Atlanta, we were greeted by four specialists who took the divide and conquer approach splitting the group up by destination and leading them onward into the belly of the Atlanta terminal. I am quite optimistic in thinking that we won't be making the news for losing one of the children, but I admit not sticking around to make sure!

United Breaks Guitars

Nothing to see here - just a funny video!

United Breaks Guitars video.

Pilot Furloughs

It seems to be understood in the airline profession that if you are a pilot, you will be furloughed at least once in your career. I have heard (but can't find the research) that the average pilot suffers through two furloughs in a 30 career, and after talking with the many captains I have flown with, I don't doubt it! During every economic down turn, airlines are forced to cut back sharply on flying schedules and anyone who was unfortunate enough to be near the bottom of the list when the music stopped last is almost assured of joining the unemployment line for a spell.

In my case, I just missed the first cut last February but that cut was not deep enough, so I will find myself looking for a job preferably starting close to September 1st. I can only guess here, but recall will be unlikely before summer of 2011. I actually expected this furlough and had anticipated this situation far enough in advance that we are ready for it financially, but it will still take an emotional toll on our family for a while. At least when the music starts again, I will have a guaranteed position (should I want it)!

Well, the job hunting begins - there are so many opportunities right now.....if you don't mind working in Nigeria (and I don't mean email scams) or perhaps UAE or maybe even India AND only coming home for one month in three. If nothing else, the interior of the house really needs to be repainted....won't have any more excuses to procrastinate!

Blind Men in Bathrooms

Disclaimer: I'm not good at being P.C. and I don't embarrass easily.

After a 2+ hour flight to Mobile, AL (gotta love thunderstorms), I was in dire need of a potty break and while the airplane lavatory will do in a pinch, I really prefer to pee without my butt against the door, one arm braced against the wall and my head arched way too far down because the ceiling curves down in the direction I am facing. So, I exited the aircraft with the passengers and entered the main terminal where I found a nice, large, clean bathroom where I could pee in a normal stance, although elbow to elbow with two other men.

As I enter, I notice a blind man standing by the sinks asking someone nearby to guide him to the urinals. I am hoping that he was traveling with his wife and that she was simply unwilling to join him in the men's bathroom. Otherwise someone was being mean! Well, after being guided to the urinal beside me, he proclaimed, 'Huh, I was really no where near this!' and then in a relieved voice over the trickling sound, 'Ah, this IS the right spot!'

I couldn't help but snicker and I could see he was grinning but if anyone else in there found it amusing, they had better poker faces than I did. Well, he didn't have any problem finding his way back to the sinks and I can only hope someone was waiting for him outside!

Bird Management

I believe the appropriate phrase is 'the cure is worse than the disease'. At the Blue Grass Airport in Lexington, KY the property managers have come up with a great way to keep pigeons and other small birds away from the parking lot and passenger pickup/drop-off area. While waiting (late at night) for our hotel van to pick us up, we could hear a loud screeching song of predator birds every two minutes or so. I'm guessing it was a hawkeaglecrowraptor call that was intended to scare off small birds so that they would not annoy passengers or sully the landscape with their droppings.

While I'm sure the creator of this device was well intentioned, it also had the unfortunate side effect of really annoying human beings as well. After only ten minutes listing to this serenade while grinding my teeth and wishing I was listening to fingernails scrape a chalk board instead, I and my fellow crew members unanimously agreed that no jury could convict us of vandalism when we climbed up the tree to destroy the little device. Fortunately, the hotel van arrived about that time and we were treated with the relative peace of rap music.

Going to New Airports

In route to Albany, New York from Cincinnati it occurred to me that I had never been there before so I commented as such to the captain. He replied, 'Huh, neither have I!' After joking about who should inform the passengers, it was business as usual and we completed the round trip without a hitch.

The nice thing about aviation in the USA is that there is regulated uniformity to all publicly accessed airports, including standard markings, charts and navigation procedures that allow one to go to parts unknown but still be very familiar with how to get there and what to do when you arrive.

Unfortunately, it was overcast in Albany so all we really got to see was the airport and terminal, but at least I can now say I've been to Albany, New York!